Hi My name is Paige.
I have a 5 month old baby girl and a two and a half year old boy. I was doing OK until about 2 months ago. I was realistic about the demands of a new baby and my major concern had been how my son would cope. We prepared him well and he made an amazing transition into being a big brother. This probably bolstered me initially.
The turning point was when my daughter was 3 months old. I took her for a routine Paeds appointment. I was devastated to find she was not growing well. I felt particularly bad because I was breast-feeding. The Paed said she had been hungry a lot and this started to eat me up inside. Usually I would have been able to bounce back from a blow like this but somehow it really got to me. My daughter was as happy as larry but I felt awful and could not stop thinking about it.
Gradually other feelings started to emmerge. I am indecisive, irritable and anxious. I worry obsessively about the crime and political situation. I am snappy and sometimes mean to family members. I kept putting all this down to lack-of-sleep, going back to work, or the kids being sick. I soldiered on and everyone thought I was completely in control (as usual). But deep down inside I knew something was(is) up. I do not enjoy anything anymore. Playing with my kids is a chore whereas it used to be a delight. Social gatherings are exhausting and I try to get out of them whereas usually I am a socialite. I wake up and worry for hours whilst ironically my kids sleep through!
This weekend something snapped. My husband made some innocent remark and I burst into tears. I have being crying on-and-off ever since then.I did the check list on the web site and scored 50. I have not had any thoughts about harming myself or my kids and I still feel I love them very very much. In fact my greatest concern is how this will affect them.
What makes this particularly difficult for me is that I am usually the strong one in our group of friends - always in control and giving advice. I also have a good support system - Wonderful hubby, Mom, Mom-in-law and sister-in-law. I even have a nanny and a fulltime domestic worker. This makes me feel guilty because I am so fortunate.
Will I ever feel like "me" again? How long will it take? What resources for help are available?