What am I to Do?

I have a 5 month old baby boy, whom I love very much!
I have often thought that PND only applies when you have depression which relates to the fact that you have had a baby, i.e. that you are depressed about the child and the fact that you had it. I am starting to question this thought process of mine though...

I have no regrets about the fact that my son comes from an unplanned pregnancy, I do however, have major issues with his dad and our relationship since his birth!

Somehow I thought things would be different between us, I guess I expected a whole lot more from him! We only got engaged when I was 6 months pregnant (We have been dating for the last 4 years). It was a really romantic proposal and I doubt he only proposed because of the pregnancy, although lately I wonder about that!

I feel like I have to do and remember everything! I am starting to feel trapped in my relationship and feel that I was perhaps trapped into the pregnancy as well. I feel guilty when I think this as I somehow feel that when I admit to feeling that, I somehow am hurting my relationship with my son and my man. I feel like it means, that if I think that, I don't really want him, and in a way, I'm admitting to it, when I think that it was a trap... Does that make sense?

I get SO frustrated when my man moans about the housework that isn't done, or moans about the list of things we need to still do! I mean heck, does he realise that I work a full time job, have just recently become a mom, and if he thought my schedule was full before, what does he think now? That I am wonder woman? I have to cook, clean (I have help on a Tuesday) and tend to our son.

A typical day in my life would be...

6:00am Wake up and have coffee, I usually make for myself and my man.
6:15 - 7:00 Make lunch for hubby and myself, pack my sons bag for the day, move my car from the back of the house to the front so it is easier to get my son loaded.
7:00 - 7:30 Bath and dress myself, wake my son, change his nappy and dress him for the day. Feed him and load him for crèche.
7:30 - 7:45 Get my son to crèche.
7:45 - 8:30 Get myself to work and hope the whole way there that I don't arrive late.
8:30 - 17:00 Work
17:00 - 18:00 Fetch son from crèche and hope the whole way there that I get there before six, when the school closes.
18:00 - 18:15 Get my son and myself home, unload the car
18:15 - 18:45 Feed my son and play with him
18:45 - 19:30 Prepare my sons bath, and bath him, dress him and prepare him for bed.
19:30 - 20:00 Put son to sleep
20:00 - 21:30 Cook dinner.
21:30 - 22:30 Eat dinner and watch a bit of TV
22:30 - 23:00 Wash and sterilise baby bottles for the next day, prepare bottles for the night.
23:00 - Go to bed.
01:30 - Son wakes to feed.
+- 03:30 between 05:30 Son will usually wake to feed again.
06:00 - wake up for new day.....

Is it just me and my man, or are there other mommies out there who have little or no help from their men? I might as well be a single mom at this rate! What am I to do? I am starting to resent my man a lot!!!!! I have asked for help - but get VERY little in return, as he feels that he contributes more than I do to the household financially, he also has things to do... The garden, parking the cars at night and feeding the dogs.... So where could he possibly find time to help me?

Please help!

Hi there

Just wanting to find out if you completed the PND checklist on our website and if so, what you're score was. It's difficult for me to assess whether you are suffering from PND or if you are feeling overwhelmed by your lack of support.

If you are infact suffering from PND you will need to get some proffesional help and we will be happy to direct you to a proffesional closest to you.

Obviously your immediate need is to get some more support from your partner. I would highly recommend that you have a very serious converstation with him explaining to him how you are feeling and explaining to him what you are needing from him. Be spesific.

Please get back to me with your score so that we know how to proceed.

Best wishes.

Alnere Turck
PNDSA

My score was in the 60's - If I remember correctly that signifies that I am suffering from PND. I was also not sure if this is really PND or just frustration due to my situation of "lack of support".

I think that if I have PND my feelings of depression are being exacerbated by the lack of support from my partner.

Currently things are deteriorating drastically, I feel there is almost no reason to stay in the relationship and am seriously considering a separation. I am worried about the consequences of this decision and am not taking action as I am afraid that it might not be the best or wisest decision, but staying in the current situation is also not good and is doing a lot of damage.

I have requested help from my partner, I have spoken with him on numerous occasions, he doesn't see where I am coming from and I doubt he understands how I am feeling, we end up arguing about this and it is just making things worse! I have told him I think we need relationship counciling together. He doesn't seem eager to go through with this either!

In the light of what you have shared, I think you need to call us so we can put you in contact with someone near you who can help you through this difficult time. Our helpline number is 082 882 0072 or office no 021 797 4498 (mornings only).

We really want to help you get through this and it does sound like you are suffering from PND.

Look forward to hearing from you.

Alnere
(PNDSA)