Ever since I had my baby who is now three months old, my marriage seems to be coming apart at the seams. My husband and I had problems already but these days I feel as if I really want to pack my bags and leave. Im tired and depressed all the time, I sleep most of the day, I've quite literally stopped eating, I've gone from being enthusiastic and happy-go-lucky to a lethargic bundle of nerves.
I've begun to feel as if my husband is demanding too much of me, especially after I found out about an affair he's been having since before we were married which he claims has ended. This led to me to text an ex I'd started to miss, which resulted in my husband battering me until he ruptured my eardrum.
I'm still studying through UNISA (he's paying) so I don't have the financial means to leave him or even file for divorce so I'm pretty stuck in a perpertual nightmare that is only getting worse.
I'm afraid all of this drama will unvariably have a negative impact on my baby but I dont know what to do. I've become so tired of wearing a smile for my baby and cooing and making nonsensical chit-chat with her. Maybe my depression initially had nothing to do with my giving birth but I now feel it would be so much easier if Id never had this baby to begin.
I am so ashamed of my thoughts I dont think I can face therapy but writing here makes it a little bit better. Am I a bad person for thinking them?
What should I do? Should I swallow my disappointment and carry on with my husband, the abusive, notorious philanderer? What can I do? Please help. I feel so trapped.