Still suffering from PND after 4 months!

Hi Everyone,
I'm new on the forum. My 3rd baby was born 1 November 2007. My other two boys are 6 and 8. This is also a boy. Although he was born with complications and spent 2 weeks in NICU, he's a beautifull, healthy baby and have been sleeping through since 6 weeks. I had a traumatic labour as well and they had to do a ceaser under anaesthetics.
When he was released from hospital, I started having panick attacks. I was afraid to look aftes him alone. My mother and mother-in-law (she's an angel) had to come and help me. I was admitted in a psychiatric institution and was prescribed Cipralex, Xanor and Ativan. When released I had even more severe panick atttacks and couldn't cope at all. I just wanted to die - I couldn't see myself living like that.
I was again admitted end of February and the Psichiatrist put me on Effexor SR with a few Alzams and Ativans. It's better now, but I'm still suffering from the panic attacks and anxiety on a daily basis. My mom-in-law still stays with us to help me. I also have a wonderful Psychologist whom I can phone any time of day and I also see her on a weekly basis.
People from all over have been praying for me and my family as well.
I get so discourage some times, especially when having a panick attack, I just want to die. It feels like it will never get better. And my Alzams and Ativans are almost finished and the Psichiatrist does not want to give me more as one can get addicted to it. But I'm so scared of having a panic attack without having something to take for it.
This illness have put a lot of strain on both my kids and my husband. I feel like such a failure although I know it's not my fault and I'm really trying to get better. It's just such along process.
I had PND with the 1st baby and then it was a bit worse with the 2nd one., but I recovered quickly. When I fell pregnant with this one, I stopped my anti-depressant immediatly (which I was not suppose to do) and there was still a lot of unresolved issues from my child-hood (I had a traumatic childhood as well). I knew there was a good chance of me getting PND again, but I never thought it was going to be this bad.
Is there any one out there who had PND this bad and for whom it took so long to recover?
Elize

I've been on zoloft since the birth of my son two years ago. I'd say it took me the better part of two years to recover from PND, and joining a support group that met once a week played a large part in my recovery.

I have had a history of panic attacks though, although I had not had one in years when I had my son. The way I dealt with them in the past, and eventually stopped having them altogether was to do the following: When I felt one starting, I would sit down and say to myself "Okay, here comes a panic attack. That's fine. It feels terrible but I know nothing more is going to happen than just feeling bad." and I would actually invite it to come. The difference was, I would disconnect from it and simply view it in a detached way, noting what different things I was experiencing - like nausea, heart palpitations, my blood rushing etc.

The thing about panic attacks is that they can't hurt you - you aren't going to die. The more I accepted mine the less impact they had on me and eventually they stopped happening. I honestly think it's because I just wasn't afraid of them anymore.

Maybe if you could find a way to no longer feel so afraid of having them, you could work on just coping with them. Maybe ask for some Alzam (like 3-6) that you could have, just to keep as a safety net. So when you have a panic attack you try and cope with it, but you know you have something to fall back on.

I know it doesn't feel like it, but eventually you might be able to see this experience as a gift. It is pushing you to learn more about yourself and to sort out things from your past. At the end of the day you will become an even more brilliant mother than you already are! And well done for getting help because so many women are too ashamed!

Hi Rebelmum (like your name! )
Thank you so much for your advice, it's really encouraging. I know that the panic attacks can't kill me, it just paralysis me, I can't do anything or think straight and that's what frightens me...not being in control of my body. Then I can't do anything, I just lie on my bed (if I'm home) and cry and wish I could die. I can't look after my kids or do any household chores during and after having one.
My Psycologist gave me a book on how to deal with the panic attacks and what you have explained above is exactly what they say in the book (with some other suggestions as well). The problem is that, when I get the attack, I can't think straight. It normally happens when my husband or my kids or even myself get sick. I have a phobia about ilnesses as well and the Psycologist (she does hypnotherapy) is working on that. Then I can't do anything, like give them medication or take them to the doctor or anything.
It's such a debilitating thing! I think the problem is that I want a miracle instant cure that will take the panic attacks away immediatly for ever and ever and that's just not going to happen, I suppose.
The anti-depressant the Psychiatrist gave me is having side-effects like, nausea, trembling and that makes me anxious as well. I'm nervous all the time.
I think I should go and see the psychiatrist again and tell her what the medication make me feel like and that maybe we should try yet ANOTHER one!
But thanks again for replying...I'ts reassuring to know I'm not the only one suffering from this!