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 PND or just Depro?

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Lollipop



Posts : 1
Join date : 2010-06-07

PostSubject: PND or just Depro?   Mon Jun 07, 2010 10:51 am

My son is almost 5 months old now and I have had a really tough time since his birth.
lets start with the birth-I did not have the birth I wanted, feel like a was bullied into a c-sec and I dont refer to having given birth to my son, I normally just say that he was born.
I struggled with breasfeeding, I didn't have enough milk, leeving me feeling inadequate. Not only was I not able to birth him but I couldn't feed him either.
Two weeks after the birth we were in a car accident and I broke my back, leaving me bedridden for months, once I was up I had this terrible back brace on and couldn't hold him either, all the time I still tried to breasfeed and everytime I tried to stop I was guilted back into it by my husband and mother in law.

I feel like my son hates me, the moment I pick him up he strarts crying. I am studying and have no motivation, I dont want to finish leaving me more depressed.
I have entertained thoughts of killing myself, or maybe just going away as my son and husband will be better of without me. I am so angry all the time, about everything. I look in the mirror and I hate what I see, I just dont know where to turn. I feel worthless and like the world will just be a better place without me.

I feel guilty all the time, about everything. Not being there for my son for the first months of his life, not being a good enough mother, not wanting to be intimate with my husband.

I know I need help, but I feel so ashamed, like I am a defect for feeling like this, I dont want anyone to know that I have these feelings. It feels like I shoudl hide the fact that I am depressed.

Is there anyone that can recommend someone who I can go and see in the Cape Town Area
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