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 Pregnant and extremely depressed/angry

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amanda
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PostSubject: Pregnant and extremely depressed/angry   Tue Nov 30, 2010 7:38 am

I am 24 years old and am 14 weeks pregnant with my second child. I am no longer with my son's father (we broke up when I was about 5 months along), so the father of this child is my current fiance. We have been together for almost 2 years, and have had more than our fair share of problems. I would say that half of our relationship has been fighting. He is extremely insecure and borderline conrtolling. Since we found out I was pregnant, we have moved in together and for the first few weeks everything seemed to be going fairly well. I could tell that he was trying to not be a jerk and/or question everything I do. But within the past couple weeks he has almost completely reverted to the way he used to be. I have explained to him several times that the main reason I am feeling depressed is because I'm just pregnant and hormonal. Seriously, do men think we're full of shit when we say that? Because he doesn't seem to be accepting it. And neither did my son's father. Just an example of the kinds of things he has said to me, this is what happened last week: I came home from meeting a girl friend at Denny's and he decided to go to bed shortly after. I wasn't tired so I sat down on the couch and began looking through the pictures of my son on my phone. After about 3 minutes that I hadn't come to bed he came out of the room and asked me what I was doing. I started to tell him that I was looking at pictures but he cut me off by saying "looking at pictures you've had on your phone for over a year? That's more important than laying naked with me? Why aren't you in bed with me right now?". So I said "I just don't feel like it". And his reply was "Well maybe I don't feel like paying your bills anymore". At that point I simply got up and left the apartment. He talks to me like that all the time. I told him that if I wasn't pregnant I would have left him over what he said that night. I know that saying that was probably hurtful, but it's the truth. I literally do not know what to do. I can feel the same thing happening that happened with my first. And for any of you who share custody of a child, you know how terrible it is. I have so much resentment for my son's father and having to hand my son over for 3 days a week is absolute torture. The idea of having to do that with a second child is absolutely unacceptable, but I am so depressed in this relationship that I don't see any other option. I cry every day. I feel completely helpless. I had an abortion when I was 19, but since the birth of my son I have very mixed emotions about it and I don't know if I would be able to live with myself this time around. I'm just so depressed I feel like I don't even want to be alive anymore. I keep hoping it will get better but every day it seems to be worse.
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